Passionate Friends
November 13, 2008
The Longing
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare
to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
~From THE INVITATION, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
The words above jumped off the page of the book, THE INVITATION, that I am currently reading. Yes, I thought, I could have written this myself! This is exactly how I feel, all the time, when I go to parties, when I meet someone new, when I ask “How are you?”
What I really mean is, “What is your deepest desire?” “What do you yearn for in the darkest hours of the night when the clock is ticking and you think that no one is listening?
I get so weary of small talk. So weary of yammering on about this thing and that thing, and who got this and who made the latest ranking in the newest version of “Who’s the Best at Everything?”
But I never get tired of listening about what matters to your heart. What you care about, what you long for, what inspires you, what you are passionate about…so passionate in fact that you are willing to march forth and become more than your fear ever would allowed you to be before.
I’ll never tire of listening to your honest struggles or about how you wrestle the obstacles to the ground that stand between you and your passion, nor tire of helping and encouraging you to overcome your fears, nor will I shy away from supporting you when you become fragile and frightened and think that life has handed you more than you could possibly bear. I will listen, support, do my best to inspire, encourage and love.
I want passionate friendships. I want honest, heartfelt, supportive friends that can talk to each other about the deepest parts of their hearts and know that they will not face judgement, not incite ridicule, not endure rejection, but can rest in faith, knowing they are safe and sound in the arms of love.
When I say I am shy, I guess I mean that I am not really very good at small talk. I want deep talk. When there is just chatter, I don’t often know what to say. I melt into the wall and observe the motions, the little signals and I wonder…
What’s going on in there? How are you? What do you ache for? And do you dare to dream?
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27 Responses to “Passionate Friends”
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Hear, hear Wendi!
I like what you wrote here very much - and I really appreciate what you are doing for me, personally.
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..the game.
Can I be your friend?
Seriously, I feel the exact same way and over the years have (sadly) let go of many friends who simply do not offer that. I’m tired of the chit chat and surface conversation, tell me what really matters to you! Those conversations are invigorating, and unfortunately, at least for me, don’t happen very often. I get energized when surrounded by people like that.
Stacey Shipman’s last blog post..Mind vs. Body: Never Give Up and Adventures in Rock Climbing
That was very eloquently put! I can see you in that quote as I told you earlier today, it fits you to a T! Unfortunately I am part of the population that doesn’t exactly know how to engage in those conversations, or small talk. I want that deep conversation but don’t know how to do it. You could say that right now I am “fragile and frightened and think that life has handed me more than I can bear” Sometimes I think i have gone through phases with friends of scratching the surface of deeper conversations but they don’t open up so I don’t get to.
Jenny’s last blog post..A Short Story
Brett,
Thanks, you are just the kind of friend I am talking about. All of our conversations are about our hopes, goals, actions…stuff that gets the blood stirring and the juices going…(and yes my husband is reading this. *waves* He is the MOST passionate friend I have)
It’s friends like our gang that keep things exciting. And …I am really enjoying working on our *page* together, it helps me too.
Stacey,
Of COURSE you can be my friend, I consider you already! Life is too short! I choose to suround myself with people who have depth.
Jenny,
Any time you want to have a deep, deep conversation, bring the shovel and lets get to it! I’m right here!
Wendi,
That quote really gets me, and what you said about shy partly applies to me, too. I prefer when things have gone past small talk. I’m a wreck when I have to meet twenty people, but when I’m with twenty I know, whoo-hoo.
Let’s see. YES yes yes, I dare to dream, and to ache is to be truly alive and intelligent, but bwah ha ha, am I going to write about *all* my deepest aches here, today, in the comments?
Let me put it this way. When I started commenting on blogs, about a year-ish before I launched MCE, I realized that good commenting is a long, slow striptease that not everyone will see.
You drop one veil here, another veil there… people who travel in similar circles may end up feeling like they know your aches, but none of us travel to all the same places. Some of my aches are written in circles I’ll never see an LLI reader in.
If you strip all at once, the show’s over.
All right, one ache. Acutely feeling time passing makes me ache. I do anyway, but your quote intensified it. Some songs can do it to me: Long December, by Counting Crows; Time Stand Still, by Rush. “Children growing up, old friends growing older.” Passionate friends, if I’m lucky.
So he he, I’ll wait to drop a more significant veil until I just can’t resist… you know how to make that happen to your readers better than most!
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: And the Armor Weighs a Ton, Too…
Wendi,
Thank you for writing this. Thank you for the courage to open your heart to others. Thank you for being “you”.
I say this, because - I think that deep down, many people feel the way you have just described. However, there is vulnerability in opening up - and safety in “chit chat”. Why?
Is it because we fear what other might think, when we really open up - I think so. Do I struggle with this. Definitely. Is this easier in some situations - yes!. With the “right” person - opening up just is easier. You are that person Wendi!
Yes - I want to be your friend Wendi! You are an amazing lady - not because of what you do, what you wear, who you know - but because of who “you” really are!
Lance’s last blog post..Believe In Yourself
Well said. I’m not very good at small talk either. I agree with Lance above…I think we all are a little afraid to open up. If we all had someone we knew would not judge us it would be easier. Thanks for your great posts!
Blake’s last blog post..Quick Thought on Exercise
@Wendi - I don’t know how and I’m scared.
Jenny’s last blog post..A Short Story
I recognized the quote immediately, having read the book myself. This is a wonderful post, Wendi, and I’m with you all the way! I feel the exact same.
You can read the answers to your questions at my blog.
steph’s last blog post..Boredom is a Bitch
It’s always an unexpected treasure find to stop a while and really get to know someone. It’s hard in this hustle and bustle world, isn’t it?
I have my dream, and that is to finish this manuscript I am working on, have some people critique it, and then submit it to an agent. There, I said it. May it now come true.
Meanwhile, I have bad and good days. Bad when I feel like what I am writing is lame and not worth reading, and good when I feel like I am having fun and it reads like something I would enjoy.
Thanks for listening :-).
Pink Ink’s last blog post..If It Weren’t For Mom
Kelly,
*She bends down and picks the silky veil from the ground and hands it back.*
This veil I know very well. I try hard not to wear it. But it’s a sneaky one. It shows up on beaches playing with sand castles, parks…yes..in music, photographs.
The song- Time in a Bottle, by Jim Croce..( Did I just age myself?)
Here is one of mine:
the struggle with slipping in and out of being authentic. I want SO MUCH to give people what they need, that it is easy to evaporate, it’s easy to become all things for them and harder to hang on to myself, and my purple boots. I constantly have to go back and ask- who am I?
Lance,
Yes, I think it’s fear, I KNOW its fear. What if I pour my heart out here on this blog and all I get back is the sound of crickets and an empty page. Will it hurt? Can I transend that? What about in our personal lives at home? Living passionate lives IS scary.
Blake,
Golden rule of LLI-no judgement here. You are free to be who you are, blotches and all. This is a safe space.
I have noticed something interesting about tghe timing of a lot of my readership. People read here most often at the end of the workday or at night.
I wonder if that is because we all want a place we can go to where we can feel safe at the end of the day.
Jenny,
If you weren’t scared, then it would be small talk. It’s that moment of really sharing that does feel a little scary, especially in the beginning when it’s new, someone new. It’s very fragile. And as to how? You just start. You open your mouth and speak.
Steph,
Your entire blog is the answers to these questions, that’s why I like it so much!
Jewel-Pink Ink
( Hey, do you mind if I call you by your name? You are welcome to use both your name and your blog name when you sign in so that everyone gets to know you better)
I agree, getting to really know someone IS like finding a treasure!
That is really exciting about your manuscript! Several of us are writers here so we can fully understand and support and CHEER you on in that dream/goal of yours. And putting it in writing and posting it makes it much more real. SHOUT IT!!!
The LLI community will support you in that all the way!
Wendi,
You’ve hit upon it exactly - and you have no idea how our “page” is helping. I’m learning exactly how much I can expect to do, because someone else is also keeping an eye - it is just going to get better.
And there will be nothing our gang can’t do…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays - unscathed.
Wendi,
Have not been replying of late.
However, know that I do lurk and so enjoy your writings.
Blessed Be,
Mistress O
Wendi,
*sniff* Time in a Bottle does it to me, too. *sniff, sniff*
I’ve had times when staying Me with powerful personalities around was tough, but fortunately, I’ve learned to be my own powerful personality. I’m pulled off course a lot less often than I once was.
Did I tell you I found my purple boots? I should take a picture of them for you. I’d never have looked except for you shaming me for having lost track of my wild flaming purple suede self.
Which I hadn’t, LOL, just the boots.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Are We Good Enough Yet?
Could it be that all shy people are not so shy after all? Maybe they just prefer deep conversation over small talk. Hm.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..How to Write a Complex Villian (Writing Exercise)
“…who made the latest ranking in the newest version of “Who’s the Best at Everything?” That really is what small talk feels like half the time! The other half feels like you’re just marking time until you can both walk away feeling comfortable that your exchange meet some kind of word quota. Needless to say, it’s not my strong suit!
Sara at On Simplicity’s last blog post..Playful Simplicity
I love this quote! It’s making me rethink how I will approach meeting new people. I can’t stand small talk and I too want deep rich passionate conversations in my life. I can’t wait to ask the next person I meet what they ache for and if they are daring to dream! I hope they don’t gasp and walk away.
Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..21 Reasons to Schedule a Weekly Night Out for Yourself
Wendi, thank you!
-Jewel
Pink Ink’s last blog post..When It’s Dark
Great post. I think society often trains us to only ask the shallow questions. It’s like people are afraid to learn more about one another. If you’re going to ask me how I am, expect an honest answer not just a fluffy ‘fine’.
Neil’s last blog post..A Movember Update: What Can You Do About Cancer?
Hi Wendi - I love that poem. I don’t have the book but I read it on the internet years ago. I get tired of making small talk too. Trouble is, when you talk on the Internet, the whole world can hear - and I have people listening in who I don’t want to have there.
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Social Or Google Traffic? Where’s The Money?
Cath,
You do bring up a good point about the internet and big ears. It makes it hard to be a place like we are here, really get into the deeper conversations about things that matter. We manage to do it, but you are right. It’s hard to be authentic out on the web.
Neil,
Welcome, it is very nice to have you here, I hope you will come by often. I’m like that too, I usually give an honest anser to that question too. Right now..today the answer is I am SICK! That’s when I think people really don’t want to know. LOL!
Stacey/CAB
I hope nobody gasps at you too! Come back and let us know if they do OK?
Sara< Good to see you here! Yeah, that “Who’s the best” conversation is a real bore…Besides..isn’t it me? (Just kidding) Seriously, when that stuff starts, I probably AM marking the time until I can walk away. Sad but honest.
Melissa, you might be on to something. Some of my most cherished conversations have been all nighters between two seemingly “shy people” who don’t shut up once we get going. NO “small talk there!
Kelly,
Of course by now, I have seen your picture! They are cute!, I am wearing mine in your birthday honor! Hey everyone, go over to Kelly’s and say happy Birthday, she turned 100 yesterday!
Ms, O,
You got stuck somehow in comment jail, don’t know why, sorry about that! You of course are always welcome to comment or lurk as your heart desires, its great to know you are here, I would miss you if you were gone.