The Tragedy of the Lone Ranger

Written by Wendi Kelly - February 22, 2010 10 Comments

Photo Courtesy of Wendi Kelly
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each in passing, only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness; so on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It is easy to be a ship that sails alone on the ocean of of life.

Well, to be honest, I happen to think it is the most difficult way to go about life. So, perhaps I should rephrase and state that I think it is painfully easy to slip into the pattern of sailing alone. Even when we don’t want to. Even when we’ve made it a point to try and look around and be there for others, reach out a helping hand and be aware of the other ships sailing out in the ocean besides us.

It’s still hard. We are conditioned from very early in life to “Stand up for ourself.” “Be Tough.” “Be Independent.”

We all know that “When the going gets tough…the tough_________Get going.”   That’s right. You knew the answer. No way did your mind start to fill in that blank with start hollering for help!

We aren’t conditioned to ask for help, and we don’t know how to feel about it when it’s presented to us. A lot of us don’t know how to keep our eyes out for those who might need it, and if and when we do stumble on to someone who does look like they could benefit from a helping hand, we hesitate, not knowing if we should get involved for fear of insulting them or making them feel bad.

Somewhere along the line we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Somewhere we picked up some erroneous belief that if we “handle life on our own” quietly and without complaint  that we will have have achieved some zen-like courageous level of success on par with the Lone Ranger and Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry Character.

I’d like to go on record as saying I think both of those men’s lives weren’t worth the dust on their shoes.

They were both lonely empty men who didn’t know how to share their lives with anyone. They harbored hero  complexes and carried the weight of the world on their shoulders without being able to depend on anyone to be there for them. Ever. They kept all of their emotions locked up tight inside, sharing nothing with nobody,and in the end-they rode off into the dusty sunset-ALONE.

This isn’t Zen. This isn’t heroic. This is afraid.

Afraid to reach out, afraid to be less then perfect, afraid to be needy, afraid to be needed, afraid to intrude, afraid to be hurt, afraid to hurt, afraid to look foolish.

Simply afraid.

Living in fear stops us from living. It certainly stops us from living inspired. And it stops us from making a difference.

I challenge us to be more daring then that.  We all have the exact same fears. None of us are exempt. We hesitate before reaching out. We think, should I?

Yes, we should. Take a chance.

I dare you. Don’t let that ship pass you by.

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Read the Comments

10 Outstanding Responses to "The Tragedy of the Lone Ranger"

    Jamie Simmerman on February 22, 2010 at 10:46 pm • Permalink

    Hmmm, you’re hitting me where it hurts, Wendi. LOL, Great advice, and I needed the reminder. Thanks.
    .-= Jamie Simmerman’s last post… Top 10 Reasons Not to Celebrate Valentine’s Day =-.

    Wendi Kelly on February 22, 2010 at 11:28 pm • Permalink

    You aren’t alone Jamie. We are all the same. I think we all try to be the “Lone Ranger” It’s hard to step up and say “Help, I need you.” But we all do.

    And we all need to be there for each other.

    Friar on February 23, 2010 at 11:44 am • Permalink

    Awww…come on!

    Dirty Harry ROCKS!!!!

    Lori Hoeck on February 23, 2010 at 1:04 pm • Permalink

    Sometimes the fear comes from not knowing what to do. Having grown up in a family where John Wayne stoicism was a guide for relationships (yeah, it doesn’t work so well), I didn’t know how to give, love, and care for others in ways most beneficial to them.

    My first year of marriage was rocky until I discovered Gary Chapman’s Five Languages of Love. The author’s point is that we receive love differently, through: affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time or physical touch. I feel love when my husband does acts of service like sweep the kitchen floor or clean the cat litter when it’s not his turn. He feels loved when I give him affirmations. We realized we were trying to love each other the way we wanted to be loved and learned instead to love each other the way the other person could really feel love. It gave us a plan of action to reach out in new ways that immediately changed the dynamic for the better.

    This viewpoint on relationships helped me see it’s not always about sucking it up and pushing through to the bitter end like a John Wayne. Instead, I can feel empowered to see life is a learning lab where relationships are explored with gusto.
    .-= Lori Hoeck’s last post… Mindset in self defense is crucial to victory =-.

    Donna on February 23, 2010 at 2:28 pm • Permalink

    And what is it called when you have reached out or others have failed to reach out to you. Is that still afraid or survival mode so that you don’t get hurt again?

    Regardless, some of us who are at that point sometimes just need a little nudge to get us to risk it just one more time.

    Thanks for the nudge.

    Barbara Swafford on February 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm • Permalink

    Hi Wendi,

    Your words remind me of when I started blogging. I knew nothing, but wouldn’t ask for help either. So instead I’d spend days on end, beating my head against the wall, trying to figure things out and then when I did, I celebrated my accomplishments. But, am I a better person for being so independent? Not likely. When I think back I now see I would be much further along had I asked what I thought might sound like a dumb question in a forum or on a blog where others were just waiting to lend a hand.

    And you know, that’s something that truly warms my heart – when another blogger feels comfortable enough to ask me a question, or questions whether they’re doing something right. (Not that’s there’s a “right” way to do things in blogging).

    I think not only do we slow our own growth, but we take something away from others when we’re not willing to reach out and ask for help. It reminds me of that saying, “A burden shared is a burden halved”.

    Thank you for this great post Wendi. It’s a great reminder I don’t always have to be tough.
    .-= Barbara Swafford’s last post… Say It Ain’t So =-.

    Andy Hayes | Sharing Travel Experiences on February 23, 2010 at 9:54 pm • Permalink

    Truer words were never spoken. Not only is being the long ranger kinda tough, it’s kinda boring too. Life’s too short – get some fresh air and enjoy it with somebody else!
    .-= Andy Hayes | Sharing Travel Experiences’s last post… One Degree South of the Equator: Olón, Ecuador =-.

    Karen Swim on February 24, 2010 at 9:25 am • Permalink

    Wendi, wow! This really hits home with me, as you know from my post yesterday. We are afraid that we will appear weak, or that people will judge us but I am encouraged that “in our weakness we are made strong.” While you cannot confide to everyone you can confide in someone. None of us is immune to challenge, sadness, or mistakes, and those who judge, well that’s their issue. Thank you for writing this and encouraging those who hunker down in silence to poke a head up and ask for help. :-)
    .-= Karen Swim’s last post… Hard but Not Forever =-.

    Andrea L. Griggs on February 24, 2010 at 9:36 am • Permalink

    I saw this tweet on twitter….all I can say is: I completely agree. We will never know what could happen if we don’t take a chance.

    Jenny on March 15, 2010 at 11:59 am • Permalink

    You of all people know me and know how true this is. I can have a hundred people tell me, call me if you need anything or just to talk and when I am really hurting and really need someone, I cannot do it. I try to be on the lookout for those who might be in need, as I know how it feels to want the help but unable to ask for it. In light of the recent happenings of the guy who used to be on Growing Pains, Andrew Koenig, I wonder how afraid he was to ask and how many of his friends were afraid to ask if he needed help. I’m sure both sides were afraid, only now it’s too late for his friends to ask.
    .-= Jenny’s last post… Asking for a Miracle by the Pool =-.