Silence can be a powerful ally or a painful reminder of how alone we feel. In this week’s article we are looking at the ways that keeping silent hinders our relationships and keeps us trapped in a state of feeling alone and cut off from love and companionship. Have you ever experienced that gnawing, twisting, painful sensation in the pit of your belly craving companionship and love, and yet feeling cut off from the very one you want that love from?
You aren’t alone. Everyone has felt it at one time or another.
And it hurts like hell.
So how do you fix it?
One Sunday my husband John and I performed a drama for our church. It was a portrayal of a husband and wife, sitting together, yet alone, on a sofa. He with the remote and the football game, her with her stack of glamour magazines and romance novels. Periodically, they would steal glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Boredom filled the room and the ache and longing for something different was heavy in the silence. From overhead, through the speakers, the audience could hear each of their thoughts projected into the space while they sat there, too afraid to say what was really on their mind.
The title of the play was…I Wish We Could Talk.
He felt as if he couldn’t compete with her fantasy romance novel world and the perfect heroes inside. She feared she couldn’t transcend being buried in mommyland all day long to become a desirable wife. She felt unnoticed, unappreciated, unloved…He felt like she didn’t’t understand the pressure he was dealing with at work, he felt worthless, unsupported, uncared for.
Neither of them felt as if they were being listened to. Both of them desired someone to talk to. Both of them craved companionship. They longed to share their deepest fears, their deepest needs with someone…anyone…
And yet…there they sat…in silence…alone…together.
I think this may be the saddest play I have ever been in. The saddest because it ends with them just sitting there. Never speaking to each other. Making the choice to stay lonely. Making the choice not to speak the desires of their hearts. Not to reach out to each other and grab on to love, when it was right there next to them all the time.
How many times has this been you or me? How many times has the need for love been right there on the tip of your tongue and you have pushed it down, shoved it back into the corner of your heart, turned out the lights and sat in the dark alone when maybe, just maybe if you had taken the chance, reached out, spoken from the heart, someone might have listened, someone might have responded?
I know I have. I know there have been times I have bit my tongue and walked away, spent the night hashing over all the things I could of said in the repeat tape player in my mind.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
The truth is that we all feel inadequate, alone, unloved and not good enough at one time or another. There is no shame in being able to share these thoughts out loud once in awhile with a trusted friend. There is no shame in reaching out to our loved ones and taking that hand, holding on for support, being honest with our emotions, sharing from the depths of our hearts.
The truth is that this is what builds deep bonds. Honesty. Trust. Knowing we can depend on sharing our true feelings with each other and not be hurt. But you have to be willing to risk those emotions in order to get to those friendships. You have to take a chance. It’s a risk…yes…but one that can have an amazing pay off. There just might be that someone waiting to listen, waiting to share, waiting to give love.
Here are some truths to hang on to when it feels too scary to take a chance on love:
- Shame,guilt and fear have never made anyone happy.
- Holding back and not taking that chance on love is one hundred percent doomed to fail.
- Loneliness is often a choice of not taking action and chances. It is often not choosing to step over the fear. It is often choosing to hang on to shame, guilt and fear and they make lousy friends.
- Love is available to everyone. Everyone is lovable. No matter what the media tries to tell you, they lie. You ARE lovable. I promise.
- Speaking up with your truth, living your truth, and hanging out with others who share your truth is a pretty quick path to finding love.
Speak up. Love is waiting.
Wendi Kelly is a coach who helps her clients transform their mindsets, strategies and habits so they can go from confusion to clarity and fill their lives with love, joy and productivity. Need to get your mindsets clear so your life and business can get on track? Contact Wendi and have a chat about how she can help you turn around your patterns and lifestyle once and for all!