Third Grade. Small little red brick school in a backward farm town in Nowhere, Ohio. The type of school you would drive by your way to somewhere else and take a moment to gaze at the bell in the steeple and wonder if it ever rang. It didn’t. It had long ago succumbed to rust and neglect back in the days before partitions had turned the old one-roomed building into a multi-classroom efficiency for grades K through 4 in this slowly expanding community.
Mrs. Auburn lumbered past us, in her cotton printed dress and sheer stockings, in between our rows of perfectly lined desks while we waited, pencils poised for the new assignment to be explained. Each of us peered expectantly at the pages of names and addresses on the sheets of paper she placed in front of us.
Strange sounding names and stranger still places that bore no resemblance to any of our common Midwestern farm names stared back up at us giving no hint as to their reason for being there. We twittered and fidgeted and giggled as we practiced rolling the complicated names off of our tongues, teasing each other for the way they sounded to our ignorent ears.
Finished with her task, Mrs Auburn resumed her position of authority at the chalkboard, clapping her patterned smack, smack…smack,smack,smack-with her hands in her lively way which meant, without a word spoken, “Alright class, everyone be quiet, all eyes on me-I have something very important to say.”
We waited, wide-eyes and lips closed, for the unveiling of the mystery of the strange names.
“Class, you are each going to be assigned a Pen Pal. The person who’s name and address is on the piece of paper in front of you lives somewhere very far away in a far off country very different from America. They may have a different religion, they may have a different culture, they may have different family habits then you have. A Pen Pal is someone who you write letters to and learn all about them and they write to you back and learn all about you and if you are lucky, you will become life-long friends.”
I remember sitting at my desk thinking that this was the most exciting day of my entire school life so far. EVER. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my parents about our exciting assignment and how I was going to get a new best friend who lived in a whole new country and I was going to tell her everything and she was going to tell ME everything and we were going to be best friends FOREVER and EVER and when we grew up we would save our money and travel around the world together and see each others houses and the WHOLE world.
I guess I was always one for getting a little ahead of myself. Even back then.
I sat down to write to my new Pen Pal and I poured out everything I could think of. Name, Rank:oldest of three-lived on a farm, Hobbies: reading, writing, art, music ( the list was long) what I wanted to be when I grew up: Famous actress and writer, and every bit of trivia I could think of that was important in my world at the time. Bobby Kennedy had been the first love of my life and in the fall of 1969, my heart was still broken over his death, ( I was sure I would never fall in love again) and the fact that we had just landed on the moon that summer seemed to be great news to share in a Pen Pal letter to a stranger from a far off land. I included a school picture of myself and got ready to mail it off. We had our lesson on how to properly address an envelope and off it went to its destination.
I don’t remember anymore where that destination was. Sadly, because my Pen Pal never wrote back to me. Some of the kids in the class got letters back and Mrs. Auburn had them go to the front of the class and read their letters out loud and show any pictures or any enclosures that had been included. I waited. But mine never came. I wasn’t alone. A lot of kids were in the same situation. Looking back, I have to feel sorry for Mrs. Auburn. I would have been tempted to sit up one night and make up fake letters and send them out. I wouldn’t have been able to take the heartbreak. But she was brave. She taught us a more important lesson instead. A Life Lesson.
“Well kids, no matter how much you want them to, some people just don’t write back. Don’t hold it against them. Some people just don’t like writing that much. Keep at it though. Some day someone will write back.”
I didn’t try Pen Pals again. I did do Christmas cards-but I told myself I didn’t really care if anyone sent one back. I was just sending them out for my own sake. It wasn’t the same thing.
When my kids got to be older, Pen Pals weren’t popular anymore. I was relieved. I guess the teachers finally realized it was a heartbreaking lesson. Then one day my daughter came home with her eyes all aglow. She had been assigned to send a FLAT STANLEY letter. The more she talked, the more nervous I got. It was sounding like a flat little paper doll Pen Pal (which it is) who got to travel around the world in an envelope meeting new people and getting mailed back from a myriad of exotic locations. My own Pen Pal insecurities started to rear their ugly head and I became very negative about poor Little Stanley.
“Now honey, I don’t want you to be disapointed or upset when nobody responds to Stanley. Don’t take it personally if they don’t write or e-mail you or ignore your paper doll.” My daughter looked at me as though I was crazy. I could hear her thinking: Who in their right mind ignores Traveling Flat People?
Apparently nobody.
I am happy to report that Flat Stanley had a wonderfully exciting adventure travelling all over the world and brought back many red pin pricks for the school map and grand stories to tell. He also restored my faith in Pen Pals. At least the Flat ones.
A comment to Melissa this morning on the post I wrote called the Letter to the World made me think about Pen Pals and prompted this memory. After all of these years of being sceptical about Pen Pals it is rather funny that I would enter the world of blogging and end up with Pen Pals-who actually write back- from all over the world!
Somewhere in my third grade mind I think this is what I envisioned. I would write, share some things about me…what I might feel was important and then you might write back and share somethings about you and what is important to you, we would have a conversation and a chat…
Maybe someday, some of us will meet, travel around the world and get to see how each other lives and really get to understand a lot more about this big huge world.
Why should Flat Stanley get to have all the fun?
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“Well kids, no matter how much you want them to, some people just don’t write back. Don’t hold it against them. Some people just don’t like writing that much. Keep at it though. Some day someone will write back.”
I love this lesson.
I just wish you didn’t have to learn it at such a tender age!
People who don’t write back… I do hold it against them, by the way. Basic courtesy says you RESPOND. You can write a short response. A postcard, even. But when someone reaches out to you, you should respond.
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Mona Lisa, Enhanced
This is fun, isn’t it Wendi (the now)! It’s fun to get to know new people from all over. And hear their stories, and learn from their experiences. I’ll keep writing back….
Lance’s last blog post..Cheerful Wins!
It has been surprising to me to discover how hard it is to “keep in touch.” I think because the world is so global now. My neighbor is in London or Paris!!! Or today I made a new friend in BURUNDI. HELLO??? Wendi, you have reminded me to be really grateful for all contacts I have in a day with so many different souls in many different places. You are one. Namaste.
Harmony’s last blog post..Are You a “CONTROL FREAK”?
“Well kids, no matter how much you want them to, some people just don’t write back. Don’t hold it against them. Some people just don’t like writing that much. Keep at it though. Some day someone will write back.”
Know the feeling, Wendi, More today than any other time in my life.
But, I keep visiting their hangourt, the boards, the blogs, etc.
Ms. O
The lesson I got from this today was actually how not to transfer our fears to someone else! That’s a powerful thing, in my opinion, and I suspect everyone struggles with it, especially parents, wanting to protect their kids’ or friends’ or other family members’ feelings.
steph’s last blog post..Of Questions That Need Answering and Other Stuff
Steph,
That lesson is HAAAAARRRRRDDDDD!!!!!
Especially for a parent! ( Please, don’t anyone ever tell my kids how much a chicken I am of swimming, Somehow they have all grown up to be good swimmers!)
Mistress O,
It is tough, especially when, like a blogger ,you are a writer, who’s work goes out to a one sided audience. And you don’t even have a comment section so easily built in. Blogging at least has a little more instant ( if we are lucky) gratification.
Snail mail, in the form of beautiful hand written letters-which you are a master of- is a dying art. It should be cherished. Perhaps it will see a revival.
Sadly, I don’t even have my subscribers mail addresses. I couldn’t send them mail if I wanted to.
Harmony,
It is hard isn’t it? And hard not to miss people and have them slip through the cracks and then find them again…
I have a friend that if we chat twice a year it as if we lost no time at all, we can catch right up, and others that need much more investment.
I guess it all depends. But you are so right, we have to take time to nurture important ones!
Yeah Lance! My Blogging Pen Pal!
Yes, it is fun…great fun actually. Thanks for always writing back.
Vered.
You know, it’s a good lesson. At any age. And I guess I could hold it against them, but,..too much energy, so many more people to write to and try again. THere are people I wish would write back here, read, comment, but they just aren’t and I have to accept that, so I do know what you mean, but that’s in the *I can’t change it and I’m moving on * catagory. I’m not going to burn good energy on it.
Not when I can be celebrating with all of my Pen Pals here!
Wendi, my first pen pal was someone in prison. I think I got the name out of the back of Right On magazine. I was a teenager and thought it would be nice to write someone who needed a friend. My mother was horrified and advised me on information that should not be divulged (smart woman). I did get a letter back and ventured out to other pen pals not in prison. I never thought of blogging in that way, but by golly you’re right! Great post, as usual! Oh, I really like the new footer too!
And sometimes, Playboy chairs get to travel the world too! And send back pictures.
Hey…Irish…..It’s been over a year…if you know where that chair is…………
You better start talkin’…..
🙂
I’ve never heard of Flat Stanley but he’s one lucky traveler! It’s funny how kindred spirits find each other – even in this electronic universe we call the Internet. Almost every day I find myself reading blogs, and shaking my head with a smile on my face while thinking, “oh, there’s one of my soul sisters (or brothers).” Blogs and pen pals. Yep. I like it. 🙂
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Behind the Scenes: Writing as a Business
My third grade pen pal never wrote back either. In middle school I shared my bat mitzvah with a girl in Russia who wasn’t allowed to practice Judaism. I wrote her for a year and never heard back. Then, one day just before my bat mitzvah, I received a letter from her grandmother (who was living in Israel) thanking me for honoring her grandchild during my bat mitzvah day. I’ll never forget that letter.
And, it will be great when we all meet at a blog fest one day!
Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Bingo! Embracing Money
Thanks for your reply, Wendi. Miss you in many places, but understand blogging and new territories being enjoyed. I dream of the day when you actually have a professional center as a Personal Life Coach (just what I see you as being) and assisting many, many people in getting the most out of their “gifts” and abilities.
I love snail mail and send some your way time to time. Only have ten or so folks to write to and will continue, even when they do not reply. Most have no interest (also physically unable due arthritis, etc.) in hand writing me back. It is ok. They do email or call to say they appreciate my handwritten mail.
Love this “place by the Ocean”. I pretend the picture is of a home far above the Puget Sound, Washington, near the beloved San Juan Islands. Somedays, your writings and the replies from your readers are the only things between me and the harsh descent into bipolar depression.
Thanks for being a blessing in my llife.
Hugs,
Ms. O
Hotel Agatha
Hi Wendi,
I remember pen pals. I had one and if I remember right, she was from Japan. We communicated for about a year and then lost touch.
Blogging in many ways is like having pen pals all over the world. Like you said, “Maybe someday, some of us will meet, travel around the world and get to see how each other lives and really get to understand a lot more about this big huge world.”
Every time I get a comment on my blog, I think, “oh, I got a note from …….” It’s exciting.
P.S. I still love sending and receiving snail mail. I hope it doesn’t die.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Priorities – Signatures – Open Mic
Hi Wendy,
I’ve got a Pen Pal from England when I was at school. We wrote frequently but when we finished school the contact was lost. I too have the feeling, that blogging is like having pen pals all over the world!
Greetings from Berlin, Germany
Ulla
Ulla Hennig’s last blog post..Friendly Waters
Oh how I miss having pen pals I could write to with actual pens.
Wanna know something sad? The other day I left the apartment without my iphone, went to the store and ran into a woman I used to work with ages ago. She went to tell me her phone number and I realized I had no place to store it (iphone at home) and that I don’t even bother carrying around a pen anymore.
Email is lovely, but there’s nothing like getting a handwritten letter in the mail. I had pen pals for so many years before the internet. I really do miss them. I still keep in touch with many of them, via email now, but it’s not the same special feeling as receiving a handwritten letter. 🙂
Amy Derby’s last blog post..Word of the Day: proponent (pruh-POH-nuhnt)
It is true that you’d never know. One day, some of us will get to meet. It’ll be exciting I am sure. I’m from Singapore btw.
I often quote this saying “There are no strangers in this world; just friends we have not met”.
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Attract Our Travel Dreams
I love hand written mail too. I try to do it fairly often. I even draw on the envelopes sometimes. If anyone ever wants one…email me with your address, I’ll doodle a note to you.
There’s an org on line called Postcrosser’s. Google it. I do it and it is so cool to get things from all over the world. The stamps alone are little traveling pictures.
Great post Wendi.
Janice Cartier’s last blog post..Posh Party Cake Problem Solved
Janice,
That sounds really neat! I am off to check it out!
And I ditto Janice’s comment. If anyone wants to exchange snail mail addresses I am very open to snail mail! Please use the contact me section and I will be very happy to be a pen pal!
Evelyn,
Its nice to know you are from Singapore! Now when my Singapore section of my map lights up I can eave and say “Hi Evelyn!”
I love that Quote by the way.
Amy,
I agree, a special note in the mail is a delicious surprise!
Ms O, who is a regular commenter is the VERY BEST snail mail writer I know. I always love getting one of her cheerful, thoughtful letters in the mail. Its like opening up the mailbox and finding a smile inside.
Hello Ulla, My Germany Pen Pal!
Isn’t this fun! That is so neat that you actually had a Pen Pal that wrote you back. You are very lucky!
Ms O,
I LOVE your dream of me being a personal coach! ( I’m working on it!)
And I am so glad you can come to the lighthouse and enjoy your own personal retreat. Its funny, for me too- I think I imagine it to be off the coast of Seattle, Washington somewhere. I don’t know where it really is. But that’s where it sxists in my imaginitation. I guess it can travel to anywhere anyone wants it to be….
Barbara, I feel that way about every single comment. I get so excited. I don’t think that will ever change!
Stacey,
I am curious, will you teach me? What does it mean to “share your bat mitzvah with a girl in Russia who wasn’t allowed to practice Judaism” Was she a stranger? How did you do that?
It sounds interesting, but I am ignorant of that custom and would like to learn more.
Melissa,
Flat Stanley is a paper doll man who goes around in an enevelope and is mailed to people’s houses. When he gets there the people mail him back along with a story about where he went and the customs of the area and aomething interesting about that place. So the kids learn about different areas and customs and lifestyles thrrough Flat Stanleys travels. They put up a map and put pin dots in all the places Flat Stanley comes back from along with fun pictures and momentos. My daughter’s class’s Flat Stanley went all around the world!
Karen, In my hairdresser days, I had a client who had a prison pen pal. They wrote and wrote and he claimed his innocence of his crime. (murder) For over a year they wrote- Long distance from across the country and finally she went to see him and they fell in love.She started to believe him and did some investigating into his case and his attorney had done a very bad job. Long story short….someone else in prison confessed to the crime, the verdict was overturned, he was set free and they got married.
Crazy but true…the things you learn in the beauty shop.
Wendi,
I have a student this year who had the SAME NAME as my penpal from the age of 6 through college. (We met once.) He went to live on a commune after college, but I still have EVERY letter he sent. The funny thing is that he only lived a few towns over from me, but that was a “toll call” and our parents wouldn’t let us call eachother!
Regards,
Rita
Rita’s last blog post..I Was A Mail–Order Bride: Part One – I Have RSD
I love that analogy. When I blog, I DO have pen pals from all over the world. And we even save on stamps. Yay!
Although I do miss going to the mailbox and fishing out a real letter with stamps and everything, and wondering why the side is torn and did the mailman have a look-see…
Pink Ink’s last blog post..Staying Young
It really sucks and hurts a lot when people don’t respond to you. Unfortunately people you don’t know aren’t the only non-responders. People always say they will write and never do, or take FOREVER to. I’m guilty of it too, there are plenty of times when I have said I’ll write you back later and it’s been a couple of weeks before I get to it. Maybe your post will inspire people to write back more often!
Jenny’s last blog post..Don’t Laugh At…
Just you never mind about that chair. It is safe and sound, although getting a bit homesick! It could turn up anyday now and knock at the door wanting to come home!!
Timing is everything!
Jenny’s last blog post..Don’t Laugh At…
You have taken me back years with this post. We did the same at our school but I did not have just one penfriend so I never felt the pain if I did not get a response. I suppose this could be a life lesson too. Dont put your eggs in one basket!!
rarestone,
So you had a lot of penfriends? That does make a lot more sense. And is also a lot more like blogging too I guess, we have a lot of blogging friends. Still..I love them all and don’t want any to go away!
Welcome! Glad you joined us!