The greatest discovery of any generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes.
Note: This is part two of a series that began on Friday. If you missed the beginning, you will want to go back and begin there and then come on back, we will wait for you. 🙂
Today’s goal, is learning to deal with the illusion of the PERFECT DAY. Learning how to make it work FOR us and not AGAINST us. It is always going to be there, inkling way back in the recesses of our mind so instead of ignoring it and letting it have subconscious power over us, our emotions and our actions, we are going to bring it to the forefront, shine a bright light on it and let it know who’s in charge once and for all.
The very first thing is to take out a paper, pen, markers or big poster board (for those of us who enjoy making vision boards,) use whatever works for helping you to sit quietly and meditate on what would be your ideal perfect day. Have some fun with this. Spend some time daydreaming about what your own PERFECT DAY might be. The example I gave in the beginning of the post was a tad bit far-fetched but at the same time a bet a lot of it resonated with you. We all want a bank account in the black, with money in savings. Think about the things that are floating in your subconscious causing underlying stress. Things that you may be measuring yourselves up to and drawing yourself up short. Write them all down.
The second thing to do is take a very discerning look at the list you have written down. Examine each item on the list. How many of the items on the list truly belong to you and how many have you inherited from family and friends that you have been carrying around because you have been afraid to discard them? How many are *shoulds* that make you feel like running away? Be honest with yourself. If this isn’t 100% YOUR perfect day, there isn’t very much chance of you ever getting anywhere even remotely close to success and you are setting yourself up for failure. This part of the exercise can be very enlightening if you suddenly realize that you have been carrying around someone else’s PERFECT DAY all this time. Feel free to give it back or toss it out. Time to work on getting your own!
The third thing is to take the remaining items left on your PERFECT DAY board and transfer them to an ACTIVE Goals and action steps board or paper. . Dreams are a great thing to have. They give us direction and purpose. But specific action steps are better. When you have carefully laid out action steps written into your daily planning then you are 98% more likely to do it. A written down goal has a 98% chance of happening, a verbal goal only has a 3% chance of success. That’s a big difference. Put it somewhere where you can see it daily and write down a specific time when that event will take place.
Now that you have your goals and plans written out in front of you in a more tangible format, you can create a road map for how you are going to get to that place in your life where your days look more like the life you want rather than the one you are currently having right now. Understand that you won’t reach perfection, but you have used the vision of it to get you closer to the life you want.
But here is the word of warning, don’t transfer that entire list on to your everyday plan! Each day gets a little piece, a babystep, if you will, as you walk, step by step toward your goal. Break it down into MANAGEABLE tasks that get gradually larger as time goes by. Give yourself encouragement and grace for the times that don’t go as well and celebrate the daily victories as they happen along the way. You may want to come up with a strategy for how to accomplish the items on the list. Do you need a work out buddy? A journal? A coach? Maybe there are too many items and you need to cut back. Focus on only a few at a time. Keep it simple and look for some way to hold yourself accountable. One step at a time.
BE A LOVING FRIEND.
We all want to be good friends to each other, encouraging and cheering them along their way to victory. We give our friends a big “WAY TO GO” and “TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY” and we are there for them when the chips are down. But whoa to us if the one struggling is ourselves. Where is our mercy then? Where is our measure of grace? Promise yourself that you will be as kind and loving to yourself as you would any other friend. Your own personal self-talk and attitude wields a strong weapon and will be the difference between getting you to go the distance or staying stuck in a vicious circle of self abuse. Don’t make an enemy of yourself. The price is too high.
Finally, understand that ‘unto every day a little rain must fall.’ There just isn’t going to be a Perfect day and that’s OK. Learn flexibility. Let go a little. You can’t control what happens in life, you can only control your attitudes, your choices and your reactions. You can remain faithful to your plans. You can get up every day, look at your list and follow through. You can believe- with all your heart- and you are going to increase your chances by so very much. But sometimes things happen and it wasn’t on the list. We get blown around a bit. Just hang on. Learn to bend, keep the faith.
You won’t always know just where those good things are coming from. From storms come the rainbows and the lessons of life. Don’t be afraid of the stormy days, the trying ones, the challenging ones that feel like your overwhelmed and under equipted. This is when you are growing. This is when you are building muscles. Pay attention to the lessons. Instead of moaning over the loss of another PERFECT DAY, tune in, hone in on the experience and see if you can’t just find the meaning. Your almost perfect days will get that much closer to home.
Very Nice! Everything you said has hit home more than you could ever imagine! Thank you for being a Loving Friend! It means more to me than you will ever know!
I like this strategy! I’m going to try it, of course. Thanks!!
I have read stuff like this so many times and am waiting for the article that shows how someone did it step by step and achieved their goal –without having friends and family and employers disappointed, bank accounts drained, the world seeing you as
a less than contributing member of the human race.
And it is easy to say be kind to yourself, but if few others are kind to you, that makes it an uphill climb. Besides, if you are a kind person yourself to others, shouldn’t you be able to reap kindness from the rest of the world? Why would you need to be kind to yourself?
But Jenny is right. You are a loving friend, trying to help those of us in the trenches!
If I didn’t know you personally and love you with all my heart, I would have to tell you that I would think I was hearing a very bitter frustrated stranger there writing that post. But I do know you and I know that you are a HUGELY contributing member of this human race,. I think you are tired and worn down. Physical pain and taking care of others and putting the needs of other people long, long before you has taken its tole on you for too long now. You need a rest. Girlfriend ,the steps ARE laid out for you here.
Right out YOUR day. Honey, you have been doing for others for SO long that you may have forgotten what it was you wanted in the first place.
As far as your statement about “Why should you need to be kind to yourself?
The way you feel about yourself will be radiated off of you and picked up by those around you, The average person will never love you more than you love yourself. NO matter how much you do for them or try to buy their love. There will be those of us who are going to love you NO MATTER WHAT. But we are not the common ones. and on your way to find us you will have many broken hearts.
Its much easier to learn to love yourself.
I am so glad you asked this question here because I know that there were so many others thinking the same thing who didn’t have the courage you did to say it out loud.
I love you my friend. I wish you health, rest and happiness.
“Spend some time daydreaming about what your own PERFECT DAY might be.”
I have done a lot of this lately.
“A written down goal has a 98% chance of happening, a verbal goal only has a 3% chance of success.”
I’ll keep this in mind.
Good to see you again! I’ve been thinking a lot about your article on your site about the Japanese teaching children art at a young age and stimulating their analitical and enginering skills in the process. ( Everyone can click on Leafless above in orange to read it) I think the fact that so much of the arts here are seen as frivolous and as time wasters that will *never* make us *real* money has held a lot of us back in realizing what our true heart’s desires might be and set us out on paths that *should* have been better for us. Perhaps it would have been better for us in the long run had we been focusing on our true nature all along. But…it’s never to late while we are breathing!
Melissa Donovan says
I’ve always wanted to make a vision board but I end up scrawling down my goals in my notebooks and on scraps of paper. I would love to see some examples of vision boards that have been created based on the perfect day, and later on, if time permits, I’m going to try this exercise myself!