Have you ever had big dreams? I don’t mean the, “I’m going to have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence” kind of dreams, though there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean really big dreams. Really really big dreams. “I’m going to go live in a foreign country for a year” kind of dreams. “I’m going to quit my job, and make it on my own.”
Okay.
Have you ever had people tell you that you couldn’t, shouldn’t go for those dreams? “No, it’ll never work, you shouldn’t even try.” “Nah, it’s too big of a risk, not worth going for it.” “Look at all the things that could go wrong… I don’t want you to get hurt, I don’t want you to be disappointed, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
I know I have.
More often than not, it’s the people closest to you holding you back. The people whom you know love you dearly. The people who should be rooting you on, but instead they’re holding you back… because they care. Because they don’t want you to get hurt.
Right about now, most blogs would tell you to rise above these people! Realize they’re doing it out of love, but don’t let them hold you back, because it’s your dream, and you should go for it!
While that’s a great message, and one we all need to hear sometimes, that’s not why I’m writing this.
No, I want you to sit back and consider… how many times have you been on the other side of this? How many times have you been the person holding someone back because you’re afraid for them, worried for them, don’t want them to get hurt. You’re afraid they’ll take that big risk, and fall hard. Perhaps you outright said no way, perhaps you just played Devil’s advocate, perhaps it was just a little expression of doubt, some small sign that you didn’t believe they could do it or didn’t approve. If you think about it, really think about it… you’ll probably realize it happens more often than you expected.
I’m not saying you’re a bad person. We all do it, and we do it because we care. I know I do, and I do it to the people I love most.
But is it really in anyone’s best interest?
I can think of several really big dreams I had when I was younger, that I didn’t go for like I could have because people discouraged me from them. I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer. I wanted to be a physicist. Heck, I even used to love singing in front of people when I was little, until someone that I love and respect dearly told me that maybe I ought to get singing lessons before I sing anymore.
Now, I’m not pointing fingers, or trying to push all the blame on others. Of course there were other factors that came into play. And sometimes it’s truly beneficial to point out the risks to people, because sometimes we can be so gung-ho about an idea, we don’t stop and think about all the factors that go into it.
However.
Encouragement, discouragement… it makes a huge difference. Perhaps you didn’t mean anything when you said, “Do you honestly think they’ll go for your idea?” “Maybe you should hang onto your day job, just a little longer…”
But think before you discourage, next time. Because to them, it can make all the difference.
