I have declared war. A war on clutter.
Apparently the good Lord above approves of my war, because the moment I decided I was drawing the line in the sand and putting an end to the sneaky and not so sneaky piles of clutter in my life, He decided to pitch in and help out with a flood.
He’s good at those. He has had a lot of practice.
This one took place in our basement and assured that anything I might have wavered on or had even a thought to give a reprieve from the dumpster was NOT going to happen.
I could be angry. I could cry. (It’s tempting.) Instead I’ve decided to just go with the flow and let it work for me. We filled an entire dumpster over the brim with eighteen years of memorabilia from our lives of living in this house. Items my two oldest children left behind when they moved away, pictures and electronics that no one knew what to do with anymore but hadn’t quite mustered up the courage to part with, furniture that wouldn’t have sold in a garage sale. Oh yes- and then there was the carpet, padding and the drywall…fate’s contribution to the project- but hey, sometimes it takes a little push to make sure we won’t go back on our resolve.
Who knows. I might have wavered on that musty smelling box of baby pictures or the ugly Christmas ornaments that we haven’t put on the tree in seven years. Who knows when we might get in the mood for them again. And that ripped gray plaid chair was comfortable for watching movies. You just had to throw a blanket over it to keep from noticing how miserably ugly it was…
The End of the Road For Ugly
I turned Fifty a few months ago. I celebrated Fifty like a débutante awaiting her first dance. . We had a great party, I celebrated it with many of the closest people in my life, we laughed, shared stories, we sang, we cheered to the future and toasted to new dreams and plans. I loved turning fifty. My family is getting used to hearing me say sentences that begins with the words- “Now that I am Fifty…” at first they were cringing but already they are starting to see the value I think. Well, at least John is coming around.It might take a little longer for the kids. I’m not exactly sure why, but it is like a switch has gone off in my brain. Turning Fifty has somehow given me mental permission to live the life I dreamed of having. It feels like My Turn.
Now that I am Fifty…I want to live in a clutter free house
Now that I am Fifty…I m surrounding myself with only beautiful things I adore
Now that I am Fifty…I am taking the time I deserve to take care of me
Now that I am Fifty…I am slowing down enough to stop and smell the roses
It goes on and on and on but you get the idea. So, the first thing I did was to declare a war on clutter and ugly things that I don’t like. For the last two months, I have been eying the things in my home with a critical eye. Do I love this? Does it give me joy? Do I adore it? If it doesn’t, if it is ugly…bye bye and out the door.
It’s turning out to be a long war. Eighteen years of living here have taken their toll. Though the Good Lord helped with a major jump start, as for the rest of it, I am taking it in baby steps, one room at a time. Paper, tools, clothes, knick-knacks, furniture…you name it, only family and pets are safe from my wrath in this war. If it doesn’t make me or the Man happy…it is out of here.
Permission to Please Myself
Now that I have flipped my switch, so to speak, I have to admit-I am laughing at myself for waiting. The first handful of times that I said “Now that I am Fifty…” out loud, it was almost defiant. It was as if I felt I had to announce my permission to the world, my declaration to the universe that I was taking a stance, not holding back anymore, not allowing myself to take a backseat as the people-pleasing, self-sacrificing servant who somehow never found the time to think about what would make me happy or what my spirit needed to thrive.
Surprisingly, the universe did not shout back. Nor did my family or my friends. Everyone happily said, “do what you need to do, its about time you take care of you.”
The only one who had been holding me back had been me.
Did I always know this in some cobwebbed corner of my mind? Or did I really honestly think that the circle of the universe surrounding me needed my unflinching help and that somehow when I turned fifty they would all suddenly be able to survive and I could then turn my attention to me. Ah…the magical thinking games we play in our heads.
Turns out the real war I am declaring is on myself.
War Against Self-Bondage
Getting rid of the clutter in my life is only a symptom of the bigger picture. What I have discovered, through journaling and experiencing the journey of turning fifty so far, is that in giving myself permission to truly experience what gives me joy and happiness, I love being surrounded by simplicity and the calmness that comes from it. My creativity blossoms and expands when I take the time to pay attention to my spirit and nurture it with the environment, nutrition and needs that it is asking for. The more I remove the “shoulds”, the chaos, clutter. resentment and negativity from my life and replace them with permission to enjoy what my own spirit is asking for- being surrounded by beauty, taking in more inspirational stimulus, healthy exercise and nutrition, stimulating friendships and conversations, taking little moments to pamper myself and my family with special indulgences that are good for the body and spirit- the more I continue to thrive and grow.
In fact, the younger, more vibrant and the more connected to the universe and to the flow of creativity I feel.
It’s Not a Magic Number
There is no reason to wait for Fifty. For me, fifty was the year I planned on writing my first novel, (Done.) and I think everything got wrapped up in my mind with that event as the year I would sit down and focus on me. Now that I look back, I can see that over the years I have tried to give myself permission a handful of times and every time took it away from myself for one reason or another subconsciously. If it takes declaring a very open and public war on myself to keep myself accountable to living an inspired, creative life, then so be it. War it is!
What will it take for you? Do you give yourself permission to take care of your needs? Is this a struggle for you? If it isn’t, can you give the rest of us struggler’s a few pointers? Or better yet, drop me a line, I would love to have you do a guest post!
