No one is perfect, but boys, making the effort to be perfect…is what life is all about…If you’ll not settle for anything less than the best, you will be amazed at what you can do with your lives.
~Vince Lombardi
This morning I woke up with that quote on my mind. It ran through my head in the background of my thoughts the way an annoying pop song will get lodged in there sometimes. Only today as I stood in front of the coffee pot, empty cup in hand, it was Vince-growling in my head- yammering on and on and on until I finally had to pay attention to him.
“What are you doing in my head?” I asked. “Why are you bothering me? Why don’t you be quiet and let me drink my coffee?”
A few sips of the black hot liquid and with journal and pen in hand, the answer to my questions started to ebb into my brain. It was all Steph’s fault and Brett’s fault and James’s fault and their round robin Blog discussion of Buzz Lightyear which lead to Faking It which lead to comments from Steph about perfectionism on her blog In Other Words in the comment section. All the rest of the day yesterday I mulled over some of the comments on her blog. Striving to be perfect, the dangers of trying to be perfect, how trying to be perfect can actually help us to strive to improve and be our best. Check it out. It was very thought-provoking. I should know. It provoked me.
Ahhh, perfectionism…my old nemesis. Vince Lombardi. The ultimate perfectionist. No wonder he was up there floating around, preaching at me, nagging at me, haunting me from the rafters.
I got up from my morning coffee, reached over to the bookshelf and pulled out my worn down copy of Winning is a Habit. It is a small book filled entirely of quotes by Vince Lombardi on everything from winning to success, faith, racism, football and business. One hundred and forty pages of straight from the mouth Vince Lombardi words of wisdom. And he doesn’t mince them. The Green Bay Packer Football Coach had an ability to motivate and drive men to succeed in such a way that has made him a legend for all time. He was hard, uncompromising and tough when it came to giving anything less than everything you had.
We…shall play every game to the hilt with every ounce of fiber we have in our bodies.
Vince understood that Winners were in the habit of acting like winners. That winning is an attitude, a frame of mind, a behavior, a level of commitment and perseverance and yes…a drive and a desire to be the very best player on the field. Of striving for perfection in everything you do.
When we talk about being a perfectionist it is often as a negative thing. Something that needs to be fixed in our character. Sometimes it is. When the need to be perfect is so intense that it freezes a person to inaction instead of action, it has gone too far. When you won’t start a brilliant idea because you know it will never turn out as perfect as it is in the safety of your imagination then your perfectionism is a handicap to your creativity and your inventiveness. When you are constantly in the pattern of sabotaging yourself right before the big day, the shining moment, or crossing the finish line…look in the mirror and see if you can find the twin fears of failure and success staring back at you. They are the children of perfectionism.
But then again…Vince Lombardi didn’t take the Green Bay Packers to the Super Bowl by saying “Let’s all play good football here, Let’s do a good job and see how it goes.” OH NO. He said:
I’m going to tell you the facts, gentleman, and the facts are these: At Green Bay, we have winners. We do not have losers. If you are a loser, mister, you’re going to get your ass out of here right now. Gentleman, we are paid to win. Gentlemen, we will win.”
Losing wasn’t an option. Settling for anything less than the very best wasn’t an option. It was unthinkable. Not giving 110% wasn’t allowed. 100% wasn’t good enough. That was for other teams. Teams that weren’t destined for greatness. Not good enough for Vince Lombardi.
They call him a legend. They call him a hero. Certainly not by everyone though. He was criticized for being too tough, too hard. Some say that those days are gone now in our society. You can’t talk that way, can’t *treat* people the way that coaches like Lombardi or even Ditka talked to their players. People can’t be expected to live up to those kind of standards. We’ve lowered the bar, lowered our expectations about what we expect.
We settle. Often. We go for good enough when nothing short of the very best we have to offer is going to make the dream happen. Then we wonder why our feet are still on the ground.
I’m no different. In some things I race after the target full speed ahead charging for the mark with all engines firing at full speed. Don’t get in my way when I’m that focused. You might get run over. But in other areas of life I am lolly-gagging all over the place and disappointed with the results. I can do a better job at giving my very best effort in everything I do. Not just some of the things.
Maybe that’s why the conversations yesterday stuck with me and followed me around all day. Maybe I see areas that I have been settling in. I need to kick it up a notch. Maybe that’s why I woke up with Vince Lombardi haunting me in my head. I need to get back in the winning habit. Focus on excellence and strive to be the very best I can be in every facet of my life.
The quality of any man’s life has got to be a full measure of that man’s personal commitment to excellence and victory, regardless of what field he may be in.
I think I’ve got the message. Can I have my brain back now Vince? It’s getting loud in here with both of us yakking so much.
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I swear all our blogging is making us much better writers. Not to say you weren’t good before, but damn, Wendi, this post was GOOD.
“When the need to be perfect is so intense that it freezes a person to inaction instead of action, it has gone too far. When you won’t start a brilliant idea because you know it will never turn out as perfect as it is in the safety of your imagination then your perfectionism is a handicap to your creativity and your inventiveness. When you are constantly in the pattern of sabotaging yourself right before the big day, the shining moment, or crossing the finish line…look in the mirror and see if you can find the twin fears of failure and success staring back at you. They are the children of perfectionism.”
Yes. You really nailed it here. There needs to be a just the right amount of drive, or a desire to succeed that is much stronger than fear. In fact, this relates to my post today about finding your WHY.
And I totally loved those quotes from Vince. WOW. I think I need to read him. I know of only one other guy like him. When I read your lines about how people say you can’t talk like that to others anymore, I thought: HUH. Then why is James Chartrand doing it – and succeeding? I think we HAVE gone too mushy, too delicate. To tell you the truth, I suspect people LIKE being yelled at, or talked bluntly to. When James speaks to me with tough love, I laugh but I take it seriously. I laugh because I’m surprised and I take it seriously because he’s usually right and he’s dishing out exactly what I need.
So, I see did Vince. Sure, they recognize we’re human, but they know that if you strive for less, you get less. Strive for more, because we’re always greater than we think we are. We can ALWAYS stretch our potential.
Steph’s last blog post..No Lamb For the Lazy Wolf
Whoops, sorry for how long that was!
Steph’s last blog post..No Lamb For the Lazy Wolf
And thank you very much for linking to me! 🙂
Steph’s last blog post..No Lamb For the Lazy Wolf
Steph,
NEVER be sorry for long comments here!
And yes…the Comparison to James and Vince is very accurate. I do respect James in very much the same way. His hammer has come down on me a few times ( Over at ER) and it has been SO valuable and I have learned a lot.
Coach James….
I totally agree that the need to be perfect can cause someone to freeze and become inactive. It happened to me this summer. I had all these ideas for things to put on my blog and because I was afraid they wouldn’t turn out right or I wouldn’t have time to get them the way I imagined them to be, I didn’t do them. I didn’t post for 6 weeks because of this.
I was driven to post the one about the bike-a-thon because I thought I needed to. I wasn’t sure if it would turn out right, but once I got started, it all started to flow and I got a post out of it, was it perfect, probably not, but it was honest and true and sometimes that is better than perfection.
Great Post!
Jenny’s last blog post..I Did It!
Jenny,
Finding that balance is elusive for the best of us…all of us I think.
We can’t be perfect, we have to accept that we will never BE perfect, and yet we have to keep striving for perfection. Its a puzzlement, no doubt about it….
And about posting…this is only my 5th month of blogging ever. So I’m not an expert. But I know what I like to read so I’ll just give you my two cents. I think a post that is written from the heart, honestly, truthfully, with pure intent and fresh perspective is about as close to perfect as it gets.
It’s like a good steak on the grill. It doesn’t need much more than that for me.
Wendi,
First, thanks for the pingback – secondly, this is great, what you’ve written.
We all need to “go for it”, because no matter what you believe will happen after this, we only have one chance at this.
Thirdly (plug your ears Friar, and sing “la la la la”) – making the dream happen now – do everything you can to do it now.
(Yes, I had some wine tonight, and I watched “The Bucket List” – very good movie, call it Hollywood if you like, but who cares? The message is loud and clear.)
Finally – what you said about writing from the heart. You do that, and you do it well. And that is what we need to do.
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays – everything you always wanted to know about life change*
Perfectionism… what a big pain it is. Hmm. I think it might be the obstacle in my path to writing a novel. One of the many obstacles…
The funny thing is that even though we often cling to perfectionism, it is our flaws that make us more lovable. We humans are such strange creatures.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Work Your Jaws
Okay, I’ve uncovered my ears long enough to make a comment.
I’m not criticizing Vince Lombardi here. (I don’t’ DARE!!!).
Just wondering, though, what he might have been like at home:
“I’m going to tell you the facts, kids. And the facts are these: in our house, we have winners. We do not have losers.
If you are a loser, mister, you’re going to get your ass out of this house right now. Get out of the family. Kids, I pay you your allowance to win. And you WILL”
Bet you his kids always did their chores, eh? 🙂
(Yes, I know I’m being smart-ass, I’ll probably get scolded, but it was worth it!) 🙂
Friar’s last blog post..Why I Think Northern Pike Are Awesome
You’re gonna get sent to your room, Friar!
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays – everything you always wanted to know about life change*
@Brett
Oh, she’s gonna spank me and send me to bed without any supper,
Or string me up on the Maypole, and stand there, looking at me with her foot tapping…. I know it. 🙂
Friar’s last blog post..Why I Think Northern Pike Are Awesome
Brett and Friar
No scolding or getting sent to your room for that observation, I think that’s fair to wonder. I have a Dad that was tough on imperfection and slow with the warm fuzzies. I knid of wondered the same thing.
There is a quote in the book to his daughter Susan that I like:
“You’ll make a lot of mistakes in your life, Susan, but if you learn from every mistake, you really didn’t make a mistake.”
If he really did carry that through with grace and kindness with his family then he couldn’t have been that bad. He also had a lot of strong feelings about love, faith and commitment and taking care of his fellow man. All around good guy qualities. But…who knows what goes on behind closed doors. I’d like to see a book written by his wife. Her story would be interesting, don’t you think?
Melissa,
You are SO right about that! We identify with the superheros and long for their skills but what we really love about them is when they turn back into Peter Parker and Clark Kent and have to deal with the same insecurities and issues that the rest of us have to deal with.
We love the humanity of each other. It’s what we understand. It’s honest…real.
But Friar…now that I’m thinking about it….maybe I’ll ask Harry if he can design a maypole to put over there in the corner just for you…in case you DO misbehave…..
Brett,
I keep meaning to watch the Bucket List…it’s on my list….an haven’t done it yet..maybe I will se if we can get it this weekend.
Thanks for the compliment…you also write from the heart. all the time. I love that about you.
@Wendi
Heh. Your list of “things to do” includes a movie about a “list of things to do”.
Better get cracking…then! 🙂
Friar’s last blog post..Why I Think Northern Pike Are Awesome
I discovered that perfectionism and learning a language do not mix. For the most part I’m a good-enough type, but when it comes to other things I’m a perfectionist (usually around things from which I derive my self-worth).
This past year while learning Spanish and adapting to my new home, I often blocked myself from learning, because I wanted to know it ALL NOW and if I couldn’t understand everything, then I’d understand nothing.
I’ve lightened up (a little) and find it much easier to get by now…
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Watching the Fireworks
Alex,
In high School I took Latin and Spanish back to back. One class after the other. Talk about a dumb idea. Sometimes my poor brain would be so confused I was afraid to open my mouth. I didn’t know what would come out.
I think your comment about being a perfectionist around the things we derive our self-worth is very spot-on. Interesting observation. And yet by demanding perfectionism in these exact areas we diminish ourself worth, Hmmm.
By the way everyone, Alex has a fascinating experiment going on at his site. Go check it out!