Above my desk, hanging from ribbons, are two bronze medals that are mine. One is a medal for a woman’s triathlon and the other is for a marathon that I completed with a group of supportive friends. The medals hang there to remind me that with perseverance, commitment to my goals, and hard work I can do whatever I set out to do. The Olympics these last few weeks have been a fresh reminder of how difficult it can be to get us where we need to be.
Sometimes it seems like it’s just too dang much work.
Anyone that knows me can tell you that I am no athlete. A high school accident left me with a serious back injury that I contend with every day. I am asthmatic and have other health issues to go along with that. I am not one of the blessed ones who were gifted with natural thinness. I battled the weight monster down to the tune of 50 pounds off and have to fight each pound that tries to creep its way back on. I have all the built in excuses at my fingertips to take a magazine and some Bon bons and head over to the comfy sofa and gain another hundred pounds if I wanted to….
I don’t.
But there are days…oh there are the days. And we all have them. It doesn’t take a serious anything to make us all want to pull the covers over our heads and not want to face the day. Not want to keep our commitments and promises and cross off the things on our TO DO list. But on all but the very worst, barring the stomach flu perhaps, we trudge out of bed and at least cross of the things that we promised to do for everyone else.
But wait…whispers a tiny voice in the back of our heads. Weren’t you going to start a new running program today? (Or new diet, new eating plan, new bike, or whatever you promised yourself)
Yes, you tell yourself defeated, but I’m too tired, I’ll start tomorrow…or maybe Monday.
I am very familiar with this conversation. I have had it with myself off and on all of my life.
So…how was I able to complete a triathlon (considering I could barely swim before I started training) and finish a 26.2 mile marathon?
I realized that every time I was telling myself “maybe tomorrow” that I was punching holes in my own self esteem that I couldn’t fill back up. I was making promises to myself that I wasn’t keeping and letting myself down. I tried to imagine the looks on my kids faces if I did that to them over and over, again day after day, month after month and what it would eventually do to their faith and trust in me. It would become as eroded as a sandcastle on a beach. Swept away with nothing to show for it. My word would be nothing.
And it had become true. When I would say “Monday I’ll start a diet” my subconscious didn’t believe it long enough to make it til lunch before the first cookie had slipped down the chute without permission. When I said “I’m going to run a mile every day” The first few steps that winded me I slowed down, turned around and went back in. I was a wimp.
Here’s the funny thing. My word was good for everyone else. I had integrity to others. Just not myself. I had no PERSONAL integrity. I just wasn’t that important. After twenty something years of being a mother, a daughter and for a large part of that – a wife, my needs had faded into the old paint.
I had to make a commitment to treat myself with the same integrity that I treated others with and settle for NOTHING LESS. I had to hold myself accountable.
And this above all unto thine own self be true
and it shall follow as the day the night-
thou canst not then be false to any man
~William Shakespeare
I didn’t start by saying “By golly, I need some Personal Integrity. I think I’ll create a Big Hairy Bodacious Goal and run a Marathon.” My subconscious would have laughed me out of town and created an ulcer in defense. (My subconscious thinks it’s smarter than me.) I had to be more subtle about it. I needed a stealth plan. So instead I said,”This week I am going to get up every day and run for 10 minutes and put a gold star on the calendar.” Ten minutes wasn’t so bad and I looked forward to putting that star on there. By the third day those stars were lining up nicely and so when I was getting rather tired, the idea of have a blank space where that star should be didn’t sound so good. Up I got. Out I went to run. I ran for stars. It didn’t take much to slowly increase the time.
Soon I realized I wasn’t running for stars anymore. I don’t even remember when I realized that I had stopped putting the stars on the calendar and had started looking forward to running and felt the pride of doing something special for myself. The feeling of knowing I was keeping my word.
That confidence blossomed and expanded until it grew into the amazing experiences that I wouldn’t trade for a lifetime.
Watching the Olympics has reminded me that once again I have been allowing a few other goals to stand in the way of my physical exercise. For some people this is a luxury. For me, it’s a necessity and something I can’t stray too far away from if I want to maintain my health. So…back to getting out my stars…and making some new goals.
How about you? What goals and promises are you working on for yourself these days? How will you hold yourself accountable?
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I can totally relate to this! I have punched so many holes that there isn’t much of the self esteem left! I have built some of it back up with the bikeathon, however that is no where near where I want to be. I’d like to fill up all the holes and have no more room left. I’ve never thought about it that way, breaking a promise to myself, I feel totally bad if I break a promise to someone else.
I need to get back on the exercise thing and find something that works for me because my schedule will get all messed up with a second job soon! Thank you for the suggestions you put in this, I can put them to use well I hope!
Jenny’s last blog post..Say What You Need To
I set a goal to run 10 km this year. I actually finished a 10 km race in June (And for a guy my size, that was NO an easy task, I can tell you!) 🙂
But since then, I’ve developped knee problems.
My Physiotherapist had an honest talk with me. Given all the surgeries I’ve had, there are so many years left on my knees.
So I can choose to keep running…but it will use up my knees quicker.
Or I can quit running, and take up a lower impact sport, which will extend my knees life.
Your choice, Friar.
Tough decision. I liked running and it was helping me get fit and lose weight, more than any other sport I’ve tried in years.
As much as I want to be positive, as much as I want to say “CAN and WILL”, the cartilage and joints just don’t have it anymore. The harsh reality is, I need to give up running, if I want to avoid long-term damage.
But that just means I have to figure out a new activity, that’s all 🙂 .
Friar’s last blog post..Friar’s Random Olympic Thoughts
Hi Wendi,
I too can relate so much. My subconscious has those traits too and like you I have been battling with it all my life. I think what works for me is that if I really want something and am truly passionate about it, I go and get it.
I have done that many times already and have no doubt that i can do anything I really want to do.
But sometimes I wish for things without really wanting them and that is when it becomes interesting. Those are also my most active couch days.
The biggest battle I have is with exercise. I’m really a couch potato deep inside and can quite happily snuggle up with a good book, my birds and a glass of wine in winter. Guilt free too. 🙂 But come summer and all the sexy clothes are flaunted in town I truly feel like I let myself down once again.
Funny enough, come winter my figure is all buff because when it is warm I LOVE going for walks and be active. It’s all back to front really.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Blog Communications
Jenny,
You have a great start! Just remember it’s baby steps, not all or nothing! inch by inch move forward and you will be surprised when you look back at how far you have come!
Monika, physical health and exercise has always been my hardest area. Having a handicap excuse is no excuse! Everyone has something and it is even more of a reason that I should be taking it more seriously then everyone else! But sometimes I do better then others.
So for me, in this area and others, it always does come back to personal integrity…learning to keep the promises that I make to myself because I am important too…especially when it comes to health!
I just need to print it on my mirror some days!
@ Wendi: Yeah, I’m a bit like that. I often put others needs in front of mine and my own integrity toward me suffers, especially to do with health, eating well and drinking enough water.
Funny enough, if we are not well we also can’t help others si it really defeats the purpose doesn’t it?
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Blog Communications
OMG Wendi! You just shone a light for me onto why so many people suffer from Someday Syndrome – they treat themselves with no respect and as you say shoot holes in their self-esteem.
I now have a post for next Friday (with credit going to you of course!).
Have a great day.
Alex
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Patience is a Virtue – Full Text Answers
I love the gold stars! That’s a really cool idea. I used to like getting those on my papers in school. Hmm… where do you find them nowadays?
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Work Your Jaws
Alex,
Oh, I don’t doubt at all that this is a huge part of someday syndrome. Especially for women and double that especially for wives and mothers. Some part of our brain…and honestly, I don’t know if it is hard wired or social programing puts others needs before our own and we put off things that matter to us. I know women who wear clothes they don’t even like because someone else likes the way it looks on them and they won’t go shopping for the things they like. For me it’s exercise, but its much deeper then that.
Alex,
I meant to add, that’s why Someday Syndrome was a big draw to me the second I saw it!
Melissa,
I found mine at an office supply store over by the teacher section. I guess they still use them for some things!
Wendy, got an error when I pressed submit on my last comment, crud! Your words were insightful, inspiring and moving. Thank you so much for sharing them and congrats on your successes!
Wonderful article on keeping your word to yourself. I think we need to take care of ourselves first if we want to be there for the ones we love in our life. That’s hard sometimes, especially with kids and a family. Especially for a mother. As a father, I can say that my wife is much better at caring for our children, no matter how she feels.
I love the sport of triathlon. I did my first about three years ago. I did it to complete it. Tough. Challenging. And when I finished, I felt I could do anything! Exercise is now an important part of my life – because I want to be around for a long time for my family.
So, congratulations to you on getting out there and running. A marathon or triathlon are no easy feat. But above all, you’ve given your personal integrity a boost – and that’s a great thing.
I think we all go through moments where we don’t live up to our word with ourselves. Exercise is a good example. It’s important, but not urgent, and then – it’s easy to just keep putting off. I found this the last few weeks. After getting ready, and then going, on a vacation, I let really slip my strength workouts. And that continued after we got back. Finally, I said to myself – you’re never going to do this if you keep saying tomorrow. I got up, and finally did it. And I felt great about myself afterward. Thanks for the reminder, that we have to be on the lookout when this starts to sneak back into our lives.
Lance’s last blog post..Sometimes You Just Have to Take That Leap
Lance,
For months after I finished the marathon i would say hey, if I can run a marathon, I can do anything. And it would work. What ever was feeling too hard or overwhelming would suddenly seem like a piece of cake. And thinking back, the marathon wasn’t even the hardest part. It was making the personal committment to go through the long and grueling training process for 20 weeks before it…no matter what, even if my family wanted to do something else, Mom had to find time to get in her runs. And in the end as those runs hit double digits and added up to 10 , 14, 16, 18, 20 mile runs and I am as slow as a bug on a rug, that took a BIG chunk of the day. There were many tear-streaked lonely runs where I felt like quitting and after mile 16 I had friends BEGGING me to quit because they were convinced I was going to destroy my back and end up in a wheelchair or something. ( They were awfulizing but they meant well) To say I wasn’t getting a lot of support is an understatement. So the week before, I went to my doctor for a full exam and got the green light and went despite the doubting thomases. I am so glad I did.
Even for those who haven’t run a marathon, I bet we can all look back at something in our lives and say…hey…I did…Blank…after that…I can do anything.
Friar,
That is sad about your knees. Can they handle biking? Hiking? Swimming? I love Kayaking and I could totally and completly see you going crazy for that sport. And don’t underestimate the work out either. It’s great. And you would be on the beloved water.
I totally agree, the hardest part is starting! When I actually got to the bikeathon two weeks ago, I was terrified and crying. I didn’t want to do it! Once I got out of the truck and on my bike, the rest was easy! Now only if I could do that in other things!
Jenny’s last blog post..Say What You Need To
@Friar
Wendi’s right, there are many other sports that have low or no impact on your knees! Biking would definitely be easier on yours!
@Wendi
Kayaking sounds like fun and a great workout! Someday I’ll have to try that! hmmm… a new goal??
Jenny’s last blog post..Say What You Need To
Wendi,
Very well written – and as Alex says, a primary reason for Someday Syndrome for some folks – I know myself, too – I do this.
Many folks who are caring and compassionate will give their all for others, and then forget themselves.
We have to remember to look after ourselves, too, so that there will be something left to give…
Thanks for the words, and food for thought – Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays – everything you always wanted to know about life change*
Brett,
Isn’t that the truth! The nicest people I know are the ones who have the hardest time with this. ( Like Jenny— in real life you can’t belive how nice she is to everybody) Then you have to remind them to take time for themselves. (Yeah Jenny….do something extra nice for yourself today because I love you and you deserve it)
And the selfish meanies….they don’t have any problem at all sucking up all the time for themselves.
So then….we ( I’d like to put myself in this group if that’s OK) nice people look at them and say “I don’t want anyone to think I’m a meenie so I better not say out loud that I need some time for myself.”…and the trouble begins
Jenny,
Kayaking is a blast. The problem is that you either have to have a tandam Kayak or you have to get two of them if you want to go with your partner or friend. We have one- John’s and so now we need another for me, so we have to rent one each time we want to go out together. So..we are in the market for a good used one.
So..hey..I guess I’ll put that out there..Contact me in the contact section if you know of one.
@Wendi
Hiking will be okay (once my knee is fixed). I find being on my feet for more than an hour starts to really aggravate it. It’s a summer of angst.
I did LOTS of cycling over the years. But it takes away from fishing time.
(Though my solution is that I just bought a 2nd hand recumbent bike to do my cardio workouts in the evenings, after the fishies have gone to bed!)
The kayaking thing is an EXCELLENT suggestion. (And there’s a lot of water close to where I live).
Winter’s no problem. That’s when I go cross country skiing, I have no problem staying active during the snow!)
By the way, a marathons’ pretty damned impressive. Even to do it once is a huge accomplishment.
Friar’s last blog post..Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?
“I realized that every time I was telling myself “maybe tomorrow” that I was punching holes in my own self esteem that I couldn’t fill back up.”
You are right on with this. Expectantly on a conference call two days ago I told 8 people that I am in the midst of dropping 37 pounds by New Years 2009. I haven’t written about it on my own blog yet. But you’ve inspired me to write it here.
Frequent focus on the goal and how I’ll feel that much lighter is key for me.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work’s last blog post..Everything Counts So Make It Count
Friar,
I think you would LOVE Kayaking. I can’t belive you haven’t done it before. I am warning you, you will be hooked.
Tom,
welcome, so glad you joined us, When I wanted to lose the 50 pounds, I worked on it for 3 years in a row and never got down more than 5 pounds. Up and down, up and down the same five pounds. dieting and exercising and sabatoging and crying and getting all geared up to start again and going through the whole process over and over. I couldn’t get past how HUGE the goal was. Right when I came home from the marathon, I asked myself why I could run a marathon but I couldn’t make myself lose weight. Why I could have the self disipline and personal integrity for one but not the other.
I thought about it and thought about it and journaled it and came up with the following answer for myself. With the marathon, the training was broken down into managable goals. I didn’t start out on week one of training and have to go run 26 miles. I would have died. (especially for an asthmatic!) I just had to focus on running a little bit. Then the next week a little more. Then..more..then then next week more again.
With the dieting I had been always focusing on the whole 50 pounds. Every day I would wake up and say I am going to lose 50 pounds. My brain couldn’t handle it. It was too hard. It was overwhelming. So I did two things. First I started to apply my new mantra. IF I COULD RUN A MARATHON I COULD DO ANYTHING.
then, I only focused on loosing three pounds by eating healthy , only when hungry, choosing small correct portions and living an active life. Then, when those three pounds were gone, I lost three more. I did it over and over until they were all gone. I didn’t eat the entire elephant at once. But…I did keep the big picture of being a thin healthy active person always in the forefront of my mind. Because I believed that I could achieve it. I had re-established my personal faith in myself.
Once again, it doesn’t have to be a marathon. It just has to be promises kept. The brain starts taking care of the rest.
Good luck with your goals! I belive you can do it.
And…we have a very encouraging supportive community here. If you want to come back often and tell us how you are doing, we would love to be encouraging you!
Hey, that reminds me….Brett??? I haven’t heard any book numbers lately, we have gotten off target with vacations and things.
@Wendi,
Yes, you can definitely put yourself in that group – I don’t think it is a bad place to be, as long as we remember to look after ourselves from time to time.
You are right, I haven’t given any word counts for a long time – though I have been writing a fair bit. I didn’t write too much on my vacation because, well, it was a time for reflection – and at the end of it, my top priorities still included the book, so I got back on it.
I expect to start giving some word counts again soon, as well as a new spin on my exercise accountability thing – I think you’ll like it… clever and fun 🙂
I think Tom will like it too – using technology to motivate you…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..never lose anything again. not even waldo.
Another very good post post, Wendi! What’s funny is that I immediately thought of Alex’s blog too, as he did, when I read about putting yourself off and having no respect for you.
Brett and I have talked a little about that, not only not having self-respect or esteem but also putting aside your goals and such because of family, too. At Brett’s suggestion, Colin and I are going to make someday lists and compare them. The idea is to see which ones we have in common and can work toward together as well as putting together a proper action plan for each on the list. We can prioritize and cross them off as we get them done, one at a time.
Exercise is one of the things on my list, too. I used to be in far better shape than I am now and I miss that. It wouldn’t take much for me to get toned and stronger again. Although I walk every day it’s not proving enough anymore. I’ve long put off the exercise I need because of work, the dog (I have a very strange guilt about going out without the dog and she can’t run with me or go the distances I want to go because she gets too hot, and besides, I want to be by myself!) the hubby, or whatever, and I’d like to start it up again. I’m feeling sloppy!
Thanks for yet another personal post we can all relate to!
Steph’s last blog post..No Lamb For the Lazy Wolf
Steph,
I have my wonderful dog Maggie ( I am thinking about putting a picture of her here. Don’t you think we need a mascot? We could put the dogs on the Pebble People page…Pebble pups?)
But taking her for a walk and exercise is a completely different thing. First of all..she is F.A.S.T. So if we went for a run, she would be looking at me like…well…what are you waiting for… and if we went for a walk, she doesn’t consider that exercise…that seems to be an experiment in sniffing new flavors. So…never the twain shall meet.
So..you walk the dog,you exercise the rear. two different things. You wouldn’t expect to take your two year old with you for exercise would you?
Oh wait….yeah, that’s what all us mom’s say, and some of our kids are in their 30’s.
I’m telling you…we all got to get over it…….:)
Your first few lines of the post reminded me of the Olympic marathons. I was amazed by their will power and perseverance.
Inspiring post.
Shamelle
Ahaha! Pebble pups! I can send a good one of Lucy me!
Dogs. Ours sound the same. Lucy, she has to stop and sniff EVERYTHING. So when I first took her for a run, it was hell. She zigzagged in front of me, jerked me to a stop all the time, etc. It’s the same reason we can’t bike with her. And she has to be on a leash. And yes, when she gets going, I’d just be dragged along, my feet bouncing. She is also FAST.
So, yeah, I have to get over the guilt of leaving her at home. But I also have to manage my time better in order to allow me to squeeze in time for me on top of time for her since we can’t get the same done at once!
Steph’s last blog post..No Lamb For the Lazy Wolf
What a great post, Wendi. Just read about you over at Someday Syndrome. Look at you, being all famous. 😉 And I’m loving your new theme. It looks great!
Amy Derby’s last blog post..What’s Your Dream Gig?
Hi Amy!
Another Pen Men design, thanks to Harry. Didn’t Alex do a great job with that? I loved it!
I’m so glad you found the new site. Did you find yourself in the pebble people yet?
@Wendi
Thanks! I’ve been practicing my syntopical reading skills 😉 http://www.copyblogger.com/how-to-read/
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Insecure People are Self-Absorbed and Egotistical